I’m a white woman who laughs at Karen memes.
For those who aren’t familiar, “Karen” is a white woman stereotype depicting a woman who wants to speak to the management when things don’t go her way, the way she feels entitled to have them. She does this to the detriment of the people she interacts with and about - particularly people of color or other marginalized groups. She’s often depicted with sharply styled blond hair and wears printed blouses, capris and sometimes Live. Laugh. Love. sneakers. (Keep in mind it’s a stereotype.)
So why do I laugh? I think I laugh at the ridiculousness of it. I laugh at the “hurts so good” feeling of what I see in the mirror that’s being held up to me as a white woman. I laugh at the subversive nature of the Karen stereotype. I laugh for the possibility of what we can learn.
But if I’m honest, there’s deep pain under the laughter, and I realize my inner work is to look at who is hiding behind Karen, because Karen is as much a facade as she is a stereotype.
We all know that the danger of stereotypes is that they simultaneously paint people with single brush strokes while stuffing them into boxes. They are reductive and dehumanizing. If white women feel discomfort with this, good! We should! No one wants to be reduced. At the core, we all long to be seen and heard and understood. We long to live in our wholeness and true power, even though it may scare us.
And that’s exactly what I am getting at. What in us is masking as Karen because it feels unseen, unheard, and misunderstood? What in us is afraid of our true power? I ask this not to center whiteness, but rather to invite us as white women to do the deep inner work that is vital to being able to show up in the world grounded, empowered, and ready to practice justice. Is our attachment to being heard by others a way we bypass our own work of hearing and seeing ourselves fully? (I also want to name here that “Being Nice” is another facade that we use to bypass stepping into our true power. Nice is not the same as Kind. )
Instead of projecting the need to be seen, heard, and understood outwardly, what if we looked at our inner wounds? The key is to do this not as victims but as women who desire to step into their power in healthy and whole ways, ways that seek to bring that wholeness and healing to the world around us. In doing so, we can dismantle the illusion of power that whiteness offers. We move from power over to power from within.
I write this as someone who knows the impact of patriarchal power norms, whose voice and agency has been diminished by others. However, I am asking us to consider that there is something inside of us that is even more powerful than patriarchy and white supremacy. This power is unconditional love. What if we lived in a way that considered this our birthright, our home, our center? What if we lived in such a way that we had nothing to prove?
This is deep work! So how do we navigate this? We must go within, and we will use the chakras, or energy centers of the body as a guide…
To begin, let’s look at the Throat Chakra. This is the center for voice, the bridge between what is inside of us to what we want to put into the world. It’s also connected to the ears, to listening and being heard. The Throat Chakra is connected to the Heart Chakra- the center for love, healing, compassion and self-esteem. The place where the individual and the whole intersect. What is formed in the heart is connected to the Solar Plexus Chakra - the power center. For many, this has been blocked, disrupted. Let’s keep looking… Underneath the Solar Plexus is the Sacral Chakra - the way we create and relate to the world, and also the Root Chakra - our identity, connection and purpose. All of these are interconnected. Energetic blocks in one can lead to disruption of flow in others.
Seven Main Chakras
To put it another way, if we begin at the root- if we can get in touch with the unconditional love that holds us, we are able to see that our true essence is Love. Then how we relate to the world and what we desire to create begins to open and shift. We desire to extend that love to others. When we begin to step into the power of who we truly are, we live with clarity and purpose, unattached to the need for validation from others. This leads to love, compassion and healing, and becomes what we speak and create in the world. It also allows us to continue to listen to world deeply, even as we continue to listen deeply to ourselves. This is transformation.
And this is just a starting place!
Imagine being present in the world from this space. The Karen facade falls away because it no longer holds power. In fact, we will no longer desire that kind of false power. We can simply be present to what is and show up from a deeper place of being. Then what we say will be in alignment with our true essence - unconditionally loved, divinely created people that have a place in creating a truly better world for everyone.
Here are some practices that may help get you started:
P.S. A shout out to all the actual human beings named Karen or Karin I know who are amazing examples of what this deep inner work looks like. Thank you for modeling this for us.
