Like many of you, I have been low-key exhausted for nearly two years. As a parent, organizational leader, and human being, I have felt the weight of this pandemic, this political climate, climate change and human struggle very deeply.
Since I was a young girl, I have been unconsciously conditioned to be an energetic host for the world around me. I imagine many of you can identify with this. I have always been sensitive and most of the time I have had a desire to approach the world with a big and open heart, but I always seem to pay for it.
I have done a lot of work to develop awareness as well as spiritual practices that support me living in freedom. Almost daily, I’m on my yoga mat deliberately releasing the people, situations, and unwanted energy I don’t want to carry.
And yet...I still found myself exhausted and a bit confused. Was energy somehow “stuck” to me? I decided to call in reinforcements, a renowned energy worker that I’d had great experiences with in the past. I met with her virtually one day and told her my intention was to live clear and free.
As is typical with her, she was holding a vibration that I immediately sensed. My heart center started buzzing and she invited me to release everything that came into my awareness that I wanted to release. To my surprise and delight, I felt my heart open wide and basically projectile vomit everyone and everything I had been holding for weeks, months and years. Even the ones I thought I had released. My heart was being emptied.
But what surprised me even more was that as this was happening and I sat, eyes closed, computer screen to computer screen with the energy worker, I heard her say to me, “I want you to know that there are tears streaming down my face right now, but I’m fine. This is just SO heavy.” Hearing her reflect this back was a bit alarming. To me it was par for the course. To her, it felt like a tsunami.
After the session, I felt light, clear and free. My physical body felt different. I felt space between myself and the world once again. I can’t describe how good this feels. An attempt would be to say it was a thousand times better than peeling off wet clothing.
Now every time I feel the heaviness set in, I move into that space of allowing my heart to projectile vomit everything out until I feel the release. I often say that 99% of spiritual practice is letting go. At least it is for me. And letting go is not a loss. It’s a trust fall into the love that holds us. What I have experienced since my energy session is that instead of the world feeling so suffocatingly painful, now love is gushing out of me. It’s like I’ve reclaimed a version of myself I haven’t felt in a very long time. And I missed her a lot. I feel so much love moving through me because I’m no longer trying to love the world. I’m just over here giving myself permission to be free.